Thursday, April 10, 2014

Two Years.

This hurts. More than last year. More and more each day as we get closer. Why? Doesn't time help heal? 

We miss you. So much. 

This past week I've been reliving our final days with you, Sophie. Reliving the final weeks of appointments and ultrasounds. Reliving you moving inside me until your body gave up. Reliving the hope and dreams we had for you. It all seems like it happened yesterday, but at the same time it feels like it's been decades since I got to hold you. 

As I'm thinking about each moment we had with you, I'm looking into your little brother's eyes with tears in mine, and thinking... He's here because of what you went through! He wouldn't be here if you were born perfectly healthy or if your heart hadn't failed you. He is your legacy. He is the "something good" that came from "something bad." He is who God gave us to help us go on. 

Go on.

We continue to go on and celebrate the impact your short existence had on our lives. Yes, I sometimes find myself wishing I could be the person I was before we lost you. Without a worry. Not afraid of losing a child or living a life of managing my grief. But that's where it ends. Your Daddy and I were changed so much with the loss of you, Sophie. Because of this, we go on in faith. We live a life of purpose and focus. A life He has planned for us until we can see you and hold you again. 

We wish we could be throwing your second birthday party, but we know the one you're getting in heaven is better than we could ever imagine. We will celebrate you and remember you the best way we know how. We will continue to hold you close in our hearts as you are forever a part of us. 

You are forever our angel, His angel... His praises you will sing. 

Happy Birthday Sophie. 

We love you!

Isaiah 41:10

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Capture Your Grief Day 31: Sunset

Sunset: Marysville, WA USA

I am saddened by the fact that the cruelty and insensitivity of others has resulted in this project being removed from Facebook. This is my second year of doing this, and while I have found many other ways to work through my grief, this has definitely been a part of it. Sharing our story -- ensuring that Sophie isn't forgotten -- reading other families stories... I would have never found this if it weren't for the Facebook group. I decided that I would finish this because I believe in breaking the silence surrounding pregnancy, infant, and child loss. Not finishing this would be giving these hateful people exactly what they want. Thank you Carly Marie for everything you do, for encouraging us to finish this project regardless of the circumstances, and I appreciate you making this project available for me to work through my grief. And... Thank you to those of you who continue to follow our story, we appreciate you and your kind words. 

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Capture Your Grief Day 30: Growth

Do you believe you have grown or are growing as a person since the loss of your precious baby?
I may not be there yet, but I am closer than I was yesterday. I have good days and bad days, but I am stronger, my marriage is stronger, and I have her to thank for that. I am now at peace with God and I'm trusting his plan for me. He gave me a son who I would not have if it wasn't for her, and He has given me the strength to make it through each day. 

How do you see other people now?
"There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle."
-Albert Einstein 

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Capture Your Grief Day 29: Healing

What has had the most healing impact on your life through this journey of grief?

The arrival of our rainbow baby, Caleb... He has brought me more joy than I could have ever imagined. It is indescribable the amount of love I have for him.

Knowing that someday, I will hold her in my arms again...

Monday, October 28, 2013

Capture Your Grief Day 28: Special Place

Kayak Point Beach -- Washington State

These are photos from our visit to Kayak Point Beach (I'm about 7 months pregnant with our rainbow) on Sophie's 1st birthday -- April 11, 2013. We wanted to do something beautiful for her... to honor her, and not sit around the house crying all day. This was the perfect place for that. It was such a gorgeous day and a peaceful place to go and celebrate our angel.

"Fly high... Beautiful butterfly"

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Capture Your Grief Day 27: Signs

A butterfly...

Was sent to comfort a loved one when she needed it the most

She sends them when we need them, pray for them, and least expect them.

She lets us know, we are not alone... 

Capture Your Grief Day 26: Community